blog

Wed. May 8th 2024
Today is my 21st birthday, and aeven gave me this website. I think its interesting that they are the only person who I know who has gotten into neocities like I have. At first, I thought they were just into it because I was into it and they wanted to connect with me--maybe thats true--but now I think they're into it regardless. I think thats fun. I always hate my birthday. I really love for things to be about me but I really really hate asking for attention. Nothing makes me feel worse. And attention that I asked for feels horrible... But how am I supposed to get attention if I don't ask for it. I think that attention seeking has always been something I have been very embarrased about. As an only child I am expected to seek attention, so I felt the need to avoid that greatly as a child. Its hard to not be seen as an attention seeker for that very reason. My birthday is extra hard this year because I am 21 but I am sober so it matters less to me than to the people around me. My boss gave me a nice bottle of wine from South Africa. I like the label, its based on an album of jazz that I really like. But its hard because I have to say thank you and be nice, but I can't drink it and I'd really rather not have it in my posession. I guess this is the beginning of the rest of my life though. I think I need to learn how to turn down gifts of alcohol.
It's also too hot out today. It began nice though, lots of rain and thunder. I didn't want to leave bed, but not in a bad way. I really struggle in the springtime. The extremes of weather make me so homesick for a life I've never had, but at least in the winter I can stand it. Vermont winter feels close enough to Swedish winter that I can make due. I cannot stand any summer I've experienced in the United States. Swedish summer is so special. There's nothing quite like it. (Det är nå den mest svensk sak jag har någonsin sagt i mitt liv lol)
I doubt I'll blog all that much... bye.